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Facebook nightmares redux

Worst Case Scenario

Ryan Shoup

Issue date: 9/10/10 Section: Focus
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What would we ever do without the almighty Facebook?

I'll admit my news feed is something I may check occasionally - ten times per day. However, I'm now at the point of considering Facebook to be the devil.

Now, I know I harp on this social networking site more than most (see last week about my mother's new-found fondness of Facebook), but it's becoming an addiction with harmful side effects.

Lets go through a typical day of Facebook use:

Wake up: If I manage to make it to my computer before running to class, I will check my e-mail and then Facebook. If I haven't checked lately, this means I will review the 300+ 'most recent' updates ranging from my mother to high school friends I haven't seen in at least three years. I also have the rare privilege of seeing a distant cousin's new friends and who has changed their profile picture for the millionth time. Yay!

Mid-morning: The 10- or 15-minute break between classes should only involve avid Facebook-checking; most likely via smartphone. If you don't have an iPhone, Blackberry, or Droid then you are obviously missing this important mid-morning ritual.

Afternoon: The sly Facebook check at work. Look left, look right, and then log on. You should be able to make a status change, chat with someone in the room, and look through an album within five minutes.

Nighttime or homework time: If we want to procrastinate, this is the time to do it. Why do work when you can stalk someone you never even realizaed went to Case?

We must go cold turkey on this addiction! Besides being a Case Western staple and monumental waste of time, Facebook has recently come down with diarrhea of the 'event invitation.'

Take the simple fact that I am in a fraternity. This means I do not want to be in another fraternity. Simple. However, each semester I receive at least five 'Rush Alpha Beta Gamma 20XX' or 'Alpha Beta Gamma Rush - happening now!'

In fact, I've taken it upon myself to not respond to any event invitations. Committing myself, even with a maybe, is a dangerous proposition. In the end, the new events become increasingly ridiculous: 'My company is giving out a free 1000 dollar stock.' Really? Your company couldn't use a dollar sign? Or my personal favorite: 'Vote for my Turtle Ula.' Absolutely not.

The event invitations also apply for group invitations. I'm not sure why you want me to join "Case Western Reserve University Class of 2014" if I'm in the Class of 2011. In fact, how creepy is it that some seniors join the group anyway?

Wait. Is that my old boss and professor friending me?

And you thought your mom on Facebook was bad.

So, Facebook, it's not you, it's me. Lets' take a break and see if we can work this out in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, I'm going to test out MySpace, and you're going to stop ruling my life.
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Issue Summary


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Fun Page

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  • First-ever Farm Harvest Festival kicks off tomorrow
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