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          Just a Perfect Day

          The Worst Case Scenario

          Ruchi Asher

          Issue date: 4/16/10 Section: Focus
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          Fact: I am out of ideas for "Worst Case Scenario." It might have something to do with the fact that my collegiate career will end in approximately two weeks. After writing this column all year, I think I have exhausted all the possible worst-case scenarios. I mean, really, can this campus get any more stressful than the mania of the final finals season? But cranky as I am, this campus's quirks give it character, and maybe the worst-case scenario is actually imagining the best-case scenario.

          Think about it: the perfect day at Case. All the students and faculty members would be the epitome of good hygiene, with well-groomed electrical engineers and business majors toning down the cologne. The pre-meds might think about changing out of their three-week- old sweatpants and washing their hoodies, thereby doing their pre-medical duty and keeping the rest of us germ-free. Case in perfection would be free of awkward glares, freshman boys ineptly scamming on senior women (only to be horrified at their seniority), and finance tests physically mauling students in the face - as opposed to emotionally abusing them. No chatty brats need grill me about my future and then bid me, "Have a nice life!" at 3 a.m. aboard the SafeRide van.

          Come to think of it, on a perfect day on campus, I wouldn't even need to be taking SafeRide home at 3 a.m. in order to tear myself away from the siren song of 24-hour access to the library. Perfection means having less of a relationship with darling Kelvin Smith and more of a relationship with some brilliant, George Clooney doppelgänger dandy. Sorry, Kelvy. I wouldn't have to endure the embarrassment of not being able to name amino acids, feeling left out of the social scene because I can't stomach LAN parties, or hiking through the snow, uphill both ways. Ideal would be getting through a day without spilling my free PBL coffee and scalding my frostbitten fingers, without dripping water all over my laptop while bursting into class 15 minutes, or for once, without being worried that student groups will eventually deny each other funding, one at a time.

          But there is a method to this madness. It's like accepting that a sine curve-esque life is better than some constant state of semi-happiness: it is precisely the things we hate about this campus that make it a place we love. Who here hasn't enjoyed playing the "my university is more awkward than yours" game? And, sure, I don't understand computer engineers, but I definitely appreciate being able to walk into a freshman dorm, yell for help and have at least five mousey-looking genii my service. Besides, being around the socially inept have left me feeling pretty fantastic about my own introversion. The fact is, I don't think I'd be able to handle a perfect day at Case - it'd be entirely too boring. I mean, I could do without my professor whacking me in the face with someone's test or almost accidentally donating my best coat to Burmese refugees, but at least it keeps life interesting.
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          In This Issue

          News

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          • Cleveland Institute of Art announces new president
          • Have you heard about The Confused Greenies
          • Relay For Life hoping for success as event begins today
          • Undergraduate Student Government inaugurations bring new faces, new initiatives

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          • Howe's love of game grows
          • Smetona's workouts work out
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          • Spartans near best win total in school history
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          Opinion

          • City boasts unusual outdoor spaces for observing Cleveland in springtime
          • Editorial: Although meal plan policy remains unchanged, policy seems fundamentally flawed
          • Letters to the editor: Greek Life opportunities
          • Political leaders are ill-equipped to decide when wars are "just"
          • Sticks and stones: bullying still hurts, but can be stopped with just one word
          • What's your favorite flower?

          Focus

          • August: Osage County astonishes audiences
          • International Conference on Narrative successful and engaging
          • Just a Perfect Day
          • Pokémon returns to Nintendo DS with best games in years
          • Rompers: this season's divisive trend
          • Safety First
          • Take a picture, It'll Last Longer: CIA student photo exhibition
          • The Buzz
          • Tremont: The A-list of Cleveland's bars
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