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Sex and Dating: Dealing with hopelessness

Kali, Sex Goddess

Issue date: 1/30/09 Section: Focus
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What do you do when you feel like you have nothing left? Whether you are going through a breakup, frustrated because you can't find someone for you, or in an unhealthy relationship that you can't leave, hopelessness in relation to dating is something that most of us experience. Almost everyone reaches a point where it just seems like it's not worth expending any more energy to cope with or change the situation. Even though this is pretty much unavoidable, and a little bit of a downer for the beginning of the semester, I know a lot can happen over break, and by the end of it, this will be a feel good column that will make you happier even if you already are happy.

No matter what causes your hopelessness, there are two important things to remember: your life can't stop going, and you have to take care of yourself. A significant other or the process of finding one can seem like the center of your world at times. Love is consuming like that. But when the absence of love sucks you dry, you're all alone with just yourself.

This could be the opportune time to work on yourself, improve what you don't like, and celebrate what you do. It is much easier said than done, especially when you're in the moment, but after you sleep 15 hours and wake up starving and with swollen eyes, well, you're going to have to eat something and put some cucumbers over your lids if you ever want to go out into the world again.

Here's the feel good part: once you start taking care of yourself and feeling a little more human, you'll feel better and realize that the problem you're facing won't ruin your life. In fact, it's true: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Working through your issues immediately after they become apparent will save you so much time and pain later.

Again, hard to believe in the moment, so this is where you're going to need your friends and loved ones to tell you things that boost your confidence. Relying on the constants in your life (people and things) will remind you to still look for the blessings you have and be thankful. Do that even if you're not stuck in the doldrums of hopelessness. It's a fresh new semester, so be whoever you want to be and give up on tough situations or people - if you have to fight for it, justify it, or cry about it, seriously consider just dropping it for the sake of loving your significant other or loving yourself.

I cannot express how sorry I am for those of you experiencing hopelessness right now. I completely understand how utterly paralyzing it can be. However, in the end, everything will be OK. Enjoy today and be determined to give as much love as you can, and always take as much as you need.
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In This Issue


  • E.O. Wilson delivers Distinguished Lecture
  • Have you heard about: Student Executive Council?
  • Research at Case: Indian philosophy
  • The Internet and your finances
  • University continues to look for input on SAGES
  • USG's Student Life Improvement Grant delayed, but still moving


  • Baseball: Spartans split No. 10 Wooster
  • Men's Basketball: Spartans get happy ending against Emory
  • MLB Preview: Angels will continue to dominate AL West
  • Softball Preview: Young, small squad and interim head coach hope to come together
  • Spartan Spotlight: Phil Keefe
  • Track & Field: Nwanna mastering all trades
  • Women's basketball struggles in second half, falls to Emory

Fun Page

  • Crossword Answers
  • Jumble Answers
  • Sudoku Answers


  • Chimp mauling, octomom clog Congressional operations
  • Editorial: Grant selection process needs refinement
  • Good night's sleep brings health, success


  • Local artist opens tongue-in-cheek exhibit at AAWR
  • Memoir strays from current popular topics, brings refreshing take to genre
  • Sex and Dating: The benefits of casual sex
  • Spartans of Style: Picking the perfect suit
  • Spring break 2009: a slice of Case students' travel plans
  • The Buzz
  • The Secret Ingredient: Tart and tangy grapefruit
  • The Worst Case Scenario: Enjoying Cleveland in the spring
  • U2 expands Horizon with experimental album
  • Watchmen delivers on hype, lives up to comics
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