Passive pregnancy prevention plan
Will Powers, pregnancy pariah
Issue date: 11/20/09 Section: Sex and Dating
Surprisingly, the response I have received overwhelmingly is "no." However, I have gotten several responses along the lines of "I have no desire to produce children, however I would be entirely willing to engage in sexual intercourse. With someone other than you."
As I learned from a pair of girls who live next door, there is an entire market dedicated to products designed to allow heterosexual couples to engage in sexual intercourse without risk of impregnation. Apparently reproduction is something that some people actively avoid, ironically while engaging in activities which are commonly quite conducive to such. It boggles the mind. After contemplating the topic for a while, however, I have come up with an idea which should drastically reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancy. It is based on this simple fact: engaging in sex greatly increases your chances of producing a baby. Therefore, it is logical to conclude that as your sexual activity decreases, the odds of producing a child approach zero. So fret not, ladies, for I have found the solution to your pregnancy woes! I call it "Powers' Passive Pregnancy Prevention Plan." If you feel compelled to engage in activity which may result in pregnancy, a prime example being "sex," instead of choosing to engage in this activity, you choose to not engage in it!
As I learned from a pair of girls who live next door, there is an entire market dedicated to products designed to allow heterosexual couples to engage in sexual intercourse without risk of impregnation. Apparently reproduction is something that some people actively avoid, ironically while engaging in activities which are commonly quite conducive to such. It boggles the mind. After contemplating the topic for a while, however, I have come up with an idea which should drastically reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancy. It is based on this simple fact: engaging in sex greatly increases your chances of producing a baby. Therefore, it is logical to conclude that as your sexual activity decreases, the odds of producing a child approach zero. So fret not, ladies, for I have found the solution to your pregnancy woes! I call it "Powers' Passive Pregnancy Prevention Plan." If you feel compelled to engage in activity which may result in pregnancy, a prime example being "sex," instead of choosing to engage in this activity, you choose to not engage in it!
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Jack Merlot
posted 12/21/09 @ 9:04 AM EST
Brilliant!
I feel compelled to not have any relations with members of my species for similar reasons. I believe that any offspring that may result from reproduction with females on this plane of existence would be resentful that I brought them into an already overcrowded, polluted, high-risk environment, which to me seems tantamount to sentencing someone you've never met to a lifetime of torture. (Continued…)
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